Friday, November 27, 2009

12:00 Blah

How do you get out of a writing glitch? I've been trying to force myself to put a decent thought to paper...or on the screen for some time now and I can't seem to create any amount of intelligence.

I need to try something new and exciting to get myself out of this hellhole which is my own mind. Maybe I'll leave this town tomorrow and go for a drive...destination: who knows. Maybe I'll go to campus and sit down on a shaded bench and read my latest installment of Vonnegut literature until I can't focus on anything anymore.

Whatever the plan is, I need to crawl out of this funk and do something productive with myself. If you have any ideas, please...for the sake of God, let me know.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


It's still appalling that even the reporter would make such a fragile mistake in wording. "The Supreme Court ruled as far back as 1963 that the government cannot tell people who they can and cannot marry."

Hahahahahahahaha. What a joke. Ever heard of Prop 8?

But I guess they're not really people so no harm, no foul.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Tell Me Your Story

Love is an unending well to which one can forever return,but may not want.. We chalk it up to illusion, dust, and lust. If we stop the perpetual desire, the constant hunger for instant gratification, the check list of things we need in another, and feeling such lack, then we can begin to love. And though the waves of change may not promise "forever," we still get a taste of the greater ocean, the unending well.

This is beautiful and sums it up.

If we start to truly love and appreciate what is, the war is over.

Think about it kids, for some, it's a life or death statement.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Taking Advantage of the Recession

I found an interesting article at a consumer website about cheap teeth whiteners.

Check it out, it looks pretty interesting!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Seeing Sound and Hearing Color

Sometimes I just want to go to a place in my mind where I don't have to focus on the world around me. A place where everyone is equal, dreams are achievable, and true happiness is attained. Where negative feelings and stress don't distract from whatever you're supposed to be doing that day and the faint screaming at the base of your brain subsides momentarily.

In this world, educated conversations are held and meaningful memories are made in which people truly care for one another without recognition of flaws. Beauty isn't measured by aesthetics and make-believe reality. Instead, beauty surrounds and encompasses everyone and everything and leaves space for the imagination to fill in the lines where it has left out.

At the heart of this place, is me. My vision of where I see myself later in life. I look around and see all the wonderful things that make this place more than fiction. I want to grasp the edge of this place and hold on tight because the knowledge that this exists, is exactly what will destroy it.

I go there today. I will go there tomorrow. I will go there as long as my mind has the ability and the youthfulness to make it happen.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Von Trap Family Fun

Playing in the rain, long...soft kisses, spontaneity, skinny-dipping, getting unexpected letters, singing loudly in the car, mamaw's homemade dumplings, acoustics, crying, seeing God in the world around me, aged wine, the smell of cigars, swinging on my lakehouse porch swing, staying up all night with people I care about, imagining what's ahead, seeing old friends, blueberry muffins on a Sunday morning, jumping in bed with mom and talking when I come home, the smell of my dad, new jeans, a good book.

These are a few of my favorite things....

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Lunch in a Cup

I really need someone to help me with my guitar playing. I have somewhat leveled off and I need someone to encourage me while I learn new techniques, rhythms, and licks.

Anyone up for the challenge?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Ode to Vonnegut

"If you find your life tangled up with somebody else's life for no very logical reasons," writes Bokonon, "that person may be a member of your karass." At another point in The Books of Bokonon he tells us, "Man created the checkerboard; God created the karass." By that he means that a karass ignores national, institutional, occupational, familial, and class boundaries. It is as free form as an amoeba.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

miming doesnt pay the bills

This pain doesn't go away,
Even after I mix the blue pills and white.

It's hard to handle, but I do it every night.

Can't go back to sleep, even though I try with all my might.
Get out, slow down, help me through.
Please stay, let's go, wake me up.
There's nothing left when there's not you.

Leaving town, gonna make it on my own.
I have to figure out a way to make my head stop spinnin...all on my own.

Pick up my bags, turn off the lights.
Tell the neighbors I'll be gone a few nights.

Nights turn to weeks,
Those turn to years.
I don't like it,
But being away is better than shedding those tears.

So get out, slow down,
Help me through.
Please stay, let's go, wake me up.
There's nothing worth having when I don't have you.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Cinco de Mayo *ahh ya ya ya yaehhhe!*

Wow, it has been one heck of a semester. Sorry I've been so bad recently about posting. I'll make it up soon, I promise...Just not tonight...finals are coming up.

Love you all

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Bay E- P7

The room is spinning but I've never been more sober,
I got the letter today and I can't believe it's all over.
They are bringing you home on the 5th, but I don't know if I'll be able to look upon your final bed.
"I'll be home soon and then we'll be together. Don't worry about me."
--Isn't it the lie you said?
"Don't worry about me."

Well I'm angry at you for leaving and you can't even say you're sorry anymore.
They put a bullet in a boy for the sake of some God damn war.

Now I'll never know what it's like to rock your baby to sleep,
And the only thing rocking away my tears at night is you tags...
Around my neck, next to my heart, I'll always keep.

And when I finally soothe myself into a bittersweet dream,
I can't help thinking of your smile,
Your lips,
Your eyes,
Your body motionless forever...

And suddenly, I wake myself with a scream.

Yellow Means Yield

This world is filled with things we'll never be able to explain. Give me a physics problem and you've already found my Achilles's heel.
But some things are felt with every fiber of your being and there's no way you could be wrong about something so pure.

So give me your hand and I'll jump.
I'll show you how strong you make me.
We could jump from this roof together but never hit the ground.
Being with you is like having wings.
So take my hand and lets jump.
Don't be afraid.
You have nothing to worry about, and that's the only thing I'm sure about.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Sidehug Chronicles

What's the point in watching the sunset without someone to bask in its indefiniteness by your side?

The point is, even though you don't feel complete without someone with you, the sun is still going to go through the motions whether you're watching it or not. The sun is still going to mystify and be rich in goodness. The sun is going to warm you with its rays and do everything it can to make your clouds go away.

The sunset is still beautiful, even if you are watching it alone.

And who knows, standing there, waiting for its inspiration to strike, you may feel complete again.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

pretzel brain

You surprise me with your suptleness,
You engulf me in your happiness.
You plan to keep me satisfied,
You know how to make me feel alive.
You make me forget yesterday,
You make the best out of today.
You laugh and cry with the best of us,
You listen to me, which is a plus.
You don't know the reasons behind my smiles,
But you're the only reason I see for miles.

Monday, February 16, 2009

And the Lightning Strikes

You've seen the damage alive in my life.
You've cried right along with me while I've wept.

So even if I have trouble walking straight,
I hope you'll still walk by my side.
Taking each new step together.
Even if I can't see what's worth looking forward too,
I hope you encourage me to keep walking
Because where I've been is too bad to go back,
And where we are is not good enough.

It's a painful journey, this life we live.
We might not get a chance to make things right again.
So for now, let's just sit here with each other.
Let's forget the pain and the journey.
Put hope in my heart.
Love me anyway.

I want to hold you so tightly the pain goes away.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Metaphorically Speaking

It lays in pieces on the floor and everyday I step around the broken glass.
Barefoot, I taunt the shards. Cut me. Cut me.
Too afraid to scrape the bits into the trash, forever gone, it lays there.

Tomorrow I might manage.
Tomorrow I might let it go. Maybe then I'll walk without looking down.
But I know better than that.
Tomorrow will be just like today and it will still lay in pieces on the floor.
Too afraid to scrape the bits into the trash, it lays there.

It's a metaphor for what I want.
I want it to pick itself back up. Put itself back together again.
But it doesn't.
It lays in pieces on the floor and everyday I step around the broken glass.

Tomorrow I might manage.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Penny for Your Thoughts

What do you get when you toss a coin into a fountain?

Do you get whatever your heart most desires?
Do you feel instant peace rising from within you?
Do you understand more about the world around?

I tossed a coin once...

My heart desired, but didn't get its wish.
Peace rose from within and left my body.
I understand less about the world now then I ever have.

I tossed a coin once and now I have an empty pocket.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Do Not Fear

I'm stronger than I lead myself to believe.
I'm stronger than I lead myself to
I'm stronger than I lead myself
I'm stronger than I lead
I'm stronger than I
I'm stronger than
I'm stronger.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Social Institutions

when the weight of the world becomes a little heavier
from my average day to day
i try to look to others to help with my burdens.
but others can't help lift this heavy load
it's mine to bear.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Just Another Endless Night

this bottle is my only friend
it blurs the lines
keeping up this happy face
slowly ticks the time

you're there livin loud in the streets
while i'm in here alone
softly my lonely heart beats
now that you're gone

take another
make it last
use them all and forget the past

time keeps ticking and i can't wait
your voice to wake me from this dream
maybe i should leave it all to fate
perfect, or so it seemed

take another
make it last
use them all and forget the past

now i'll go
don't you worry
takin' my last breath
before you figure out you're sorry

change your story
cuz no one will believe you

take another
make it last
use them all and forget the past

take another
make it last
use them all and forget the past

i need to forget the past

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Tie a Noose around the Old Oak Tree

You gave me a ride home, I gave you my heart
You gave me a smile and laughter followed, I gave you my body
You gave me a reason for waking, I gave you my spirit

You gave me an excuse, I gave you redemption
You gave me a lie, I gave you trust
You gave me nothing in the end while I gave my everything.

this time, I've got nothing to say.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

excerpt - Ch. 1

I walked into the room crowded with prescription medications and home-made hospital equipment.

Even in his final days, he thinks of himself as a doctor. Without even a high school degree…I don’t know where he ever got that inclination. He believes he has the power to heal himself but lacks the energy and spirit; instead, he allows his body to remain lifeless in the crippling fortress of a bed.

It’s been years since I’d stepped foot in this room. When I was younger, it was my imagination’s safe haven. As I grew up, it turned from my giant toy box of wonder and secrets to my grandfather’s sanctuary of pity and self-loathing.

Even the hallway leading to the bedroom, once lined with smiling portraits of children’s faces, looks sad and dark.

It’s at that moment that my eyes see him for the first time. It takes me a long time because the mattress where he lays has become so accustomed to his shape that the blankets and sheets swallow him whole. Not even his chest rising up and down as he breathes, in slow, repetitive motions, shows signs of hope.

His eyes are open but they stare blankly at the ceiling and they might as well have been closed.

This is his hour. We both know it won’t be much longer.

I took two small steps towards the edge of that bed; my hand grazed his dresser and the cold wood caught me off guard.

I slowly took a step back and gathered up my courage; it seemed to be slipping from under my garments and lying in a pool around me with every tick of the grandfather clock in the corner.

I had been waiting years to say what I had come here to say today and I wasn’t about to leave without trying.

Again, and this time, with slightly more confidence, I took a few more steps toward him.

As I stood by him, I could see his eyes shift to my figure and he did his best to raise his hand to rest it on top of mine.

He was terrible at showing his emotions: this time wouldn’t be any different. Even though I knew this would probably be the last time I would feel his touch again, it sent shivers down my skin.